Who Are You, Really?

Discovering Yourself in 7 Powerful Steps

What do you want to be? I remember being asked that a thousand times as a child. “I don't know,” I would answer. A singer. A star. A horse trainer. These were the answers I wanted. But then people pushed back. What do you really want to be? And the answers were given for me. A doctor. A lawyer. Something that made money or had power. Something that made “sense.” Even President of the United States. And when it came time to actually start thinking about it, for real, I was utterly confused. Some people knew. They had it all figured out, or at least seemed to. I was not one of those. I had a million different interests and remember dreaming, as a child, of ALL the things I would be if I could. I didn't know exactly what they were, but I knew that there were many. I went to college for marine biology. But, clearly, I am no marine biologist. What happened?

I realized when I got there, that marine biology was not my dream. It was an interest I let become my dream when I had no other direction. So, I got a little lost. Then, I met a guy and he became my direction. His life was exciting, invigorating, and made me I feel part of something bigger. But it had nothing to do with me; thus I was still lost. I had been shown that all I wanted was wrong, unreasonable. All the creative, all the off-the-wall ideas of what I thought my life might be like, was wrong. Instead, I glommed on to someone else's exciting, and then lost myself further in the thrill.

Eventually, I decided on History, pairing my skill for writing with my passion for exploration, connection, and the world. As an interpretive park ranger, I had the opportunity to evoke inner reflection and introspection through nature, history, items, places, concepts, and stories. I even had the occasional opportunity to do this through poetry and music. It was a fit, but not THE fit. I could not stomach the bureaucracy, even if there was a reward. I felt limited. And I wanted no limits. For what I wanted to do, I needed no limits.  And I was slowly learning, you have no limits. The only ones you have are the ones you allow to be. That is not to say you don't have expectation and limitation within the life you have chosen. You do, as I do. We all do. It sucks, I know. But this does not dictate who we are.

So, I left my conventional career path. But I let new limits take its place. Limits in my mind. Voices in my head, telling me what was "silly," what I could and could not do, what I could be, what I should be. I should be a good wife. I should be a smart girl about it all. I should choose one thing and do it well. But I wanted it all. And I felt I was meant for it all. Maybe that was dumb. This battle in my head made the journey much longer. But I truly believe it was more for the battle, not for the number of things I wanted to do or be. It was the lack of confidence, the identity wrapped up in my first husband, then my second. It was the remnants of my parents telling me what was reasonable and reachable...and then not. The "get a real job, and then make it your identity” attitude that, I am sure, has stopped up or derailed too many to count.

So, then, what do you want to be? Better yet, WHO do you want to be? Who do you feel you are? Step aside from your life for a second...

You love your kids. We know that. Step aside...

You may or may not love your job. Quiet that in your head...

Your spouse or significant other may be integral. But un-intertwine for a moment… 

Who are YOU?

I have found I am someone else entirely. I am not my father's, my husband's, or the conventional world's. You may be and that's okay. But make sure it is your call, that you are deciding this.

Sometimes, it takes epic big things to happen and shake your world for you to realize it's not the world you thought it was, wanted, or still want. Sometimes, it makes you realize it is. The important thing is that it is your self and your choice.

Who do you want to be?

A mom. What else? An engineer. What else? A singer. Then what? Nothing more. That's okay. Or twenty billion other things. That's okay too. In fact, that's me. It means I'm all over the board. But I'm done apologizing for it. Because that's me.

So what can you actually DO to find you? And then what? 

Welp, let's have at it. 

1) Separate yourself for a mini break. (SEPARATE) Seriously. Even if you love your loved ones. Sep-ar-ate. Really. Everyone needs time apart and together. If you are reading this, you are clearly trying to learn something about yourself. So do it. You deserve it. It doesn't have to be expensive or big. But time with your actual self is key. If you must do it in bits and spurts, an hour here or there, try to remove yourself from all "usual" life as much as possible. Put your phone deeply away. Don't go to your usual spots. No distractions. Please, for yourself.

2) Doodle. (DOODLE) Don't think of it as writing. Too daunting. Too serious. Too intimidating and locking in. But doodle away. Lined or blank paper. Draw, sketch, or write words. Answer these questions if you can:

            How do you see yourself (from the outside looking in)?

            How do you see yourself (from the inside looking out)?

            How do you think others see you?

            How do you want them to see you?

            How do YOU want to see you?          

3) Take a breather. (BREATHE) Go for a walk or just sit for a few.

4) Then back at it. (TACKLE)

            If you could do anything, what would it be?

            If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

            If you could be like anyone, who would you be like?

            What is stopping you from any one of these things?

            If you could choose your name, what would it be? Why?

5) Then, a little harder...(DIG)

What about your life, if anything, doesn't feel right?

            What does feel right?

            (if you don't know this yet, that's okay; that's why we're doing this) 

6) Now, last set. (UNEARTH/DISCOVER) Once again...

            Who are you?

            Who do you want to be?

            Are you living that now?

            If not, why?

            Is the reason greater than your desire to be You? 

7) LIVE

So, we've asked the hard questions. We've explored who you are and want to be. Now how to get there...

I make it sound easy, yes. But I know it's not. I really really really know it's not. I'm thirty-eight, and I am just now coming into my own. Been divorced once, on the verge of another. Lived all over the frickin' place, held a thousand different jobs. Some of it was searching. Some of it was getting by. Some of it was merely surviving. For some of us, all these steps are necessary on the road to true identity. My road included a tattoo, a half-shaved head, an eyebrow piercing, and even a name change to Amy Infinity. I have not made it official yet for logistical reasons, but it is my professional name. My self-given name. A symbol to myself.  

If you are struggling with self identity, something symbolic may not give you your identity, but it may help you flesh out what and who you want to be. I also use business cards, my website, other public things. I test them, try them on, then reconfigure if necessary. What feels right? I'm getting there. And so will you.

For a free downloadable PDF Finding and Being the Real You SheetSheet, go HERE.

• You are never alone.

• You are a good person.

• You have potential.

• You are awesome.

• You are different, and that’s okay.

• You are special.

• You are beautiful.

• You are smart.

• You have meaning.

• You will make waves.

• You will be heard.

• You will be seen.

• You will make it.

• You will be loved.