Process Infinity

The Key to Unlocking Your Own Inner Sun

There are times in our lives when we come to blockades. Life seems overwhelming, unknown, and fifty thousand shades of who the f--- knows. To top it off, we feel like we should know what to do. We have been there, done that. We are wise beyond our years. Then why do we feel like toddlers, second-guessing at every turn, or just plain lost?

What do we do at those times, when we so badly want someone to just tell us what to do? You may have those who actually will tell you. But how do you know, even with the best of intentions, if what they are recommending is the best thing for your well-being? You don’t. Because they’re not you.

Thus we feel alone, afraid, lost, but have to be strong...for kids, for pets, for parents, for spouses, for work. We are not allowed to fall apart and we must know what to do because we’re "with it." Right?

Sound familiar? Yeah, me too. So, how do we deal, alone or not? How do we become unstuck and move along in the right direction? How do we move at all when the world seems to be a tar pit? How do we see the light, or find the sun?

In this case, we don't. We become the sun. We are the sun. We’re just realizing it. You forget the idea that you are seeking and, instead, embrace the idea that you are realizing and becoming. Whew. Doesn't that feel better all ready? Takes a bit of the chase out of it. I know I feel a little better already, writing this.  

In order to do this, though, there are a just a few steps. I have come up with a process that will get you into a better brain space to allow you to burn in the most exciting way. I call it Process Infinity.

Here we go.

1) Acknowledge

Facing any challenge in life, the best thing to first do is acknowledge it. Write it down. Multiple times if necessary. How do you feel? What are you going through? Be detailed. Be specific. Get it out of your system. Use a private journal if there are others in your household. Use BurnSheets or Righting Pages I provide in the Resources section.  Don't hold back. Name names. Do so safely for you. If you have a private space, post it or a reference to it somewhere you can see. If you are in a busy house, doodle on a post-it something that will trigger you to remember the specific things you are facing. Leave it up.

2) Wallow

The second step, that may seem counter-productive, is wallow. You may have already done this. You may be doing this daily. Here, I give you permission to do it again. In full force. You may be thinking, "I cannot" with all of your responsibilities (kids, job, household, etc). But try, to the best of your ability, to mourn your unknown. Let yourself be sad. Let yourself feel tossed. This is an important part paired with number one. You are never going to get past or through if you do not face the challenges and the feelings they produce. If possible, do this step without substance. Be careful with company, but definitely share. However, friends mean the best, but it is you you need to make friends with in this case. Seek professional guidance if you need an uninvolved party to listen (I highly recommend). Just try to learn to listen to yourself, your sadness, your needs, and eventually, your strength. Don't wallow too long. But only you know what that means. If you can, move along to step three after a few days or weeks, at the most. We aren't trying to make a monumental leap from ouch to healed. But wallowing too long can be its own "stuck."

3) Seek (in-sight)

You've mourned. You've wallowed. You've let yourself feel the darkness. That's okay. It's important that you do. But how do you get out? How do you find the light? That's a hard one, when you're in it. Big or small, darkness is all relative to all of us. One person's simple can be another person's biggest dragon. So, what next? You seek. Seek the light. But how? I have some ideas. We use what I call in-sights. Very simple, easy to access, visualizations that help you remember the light in you, the way through. Choose one most relevant to your situation or come up with your own.

4) Remind/Be kind

This step, remind/be kind, is in reference to both yourself and others. You may trip along this way out and through. You may get bogged down again, You may get stuck in wallowing and feel even more lost, feeling you have failed yet again. That's okay! You are okay. You will be okay. The important thing is to back up a little. Start with acknowledging again. Skip wallowing if you can, because you've already been there, and shoot for an in-sight that might pull you out. The important part here is to be kind to yourself. Being kind to others also plays in, but here I want you to focus on you. You have been so hard on you. Now is the time to forgive yourself for your missteps or the random things that happen to upend, to be allowing that at any age, life may change, evolve, or radically rug pull, sometimes without your say-so or until you’re already deep in it. Be kind, be gentle, as you would be with a dear friend going through a rough time. Because you are.

5) Emerge

This next step may seem impossible, especially if you have skipped from number one (believe me, I know how tempting this can be; out of every challenge I have faced recently, I have sought the magic answers and prayed for "poof! It's fixed. You're through."). But to emerge fully, you need to go through the other steps. You need to acknowledge, wallow, seek, and remind/be kind. Otherwise, when you emerge, you run a higher risk of it being false and falling back in. As it stands, you may, at times, still fall back. Number Four, please! But hopefully, with practice, you will face your challenges and begin to see your own light. Use the in-sights for this. Then write down what is your light. What makes you feel better? Even for just a glimmer? See that, what you just wrote down? Now step into it. Bask in it. Feel what it feel to be there, choose that, have the light wash over you. Reality creeps back in. You're not there yet. But YOU WILL BE. Keep your eye on that prize. Post it in open or hidden places to further remind you of this light.

6) Radiate (help others to help yourself)

The last step in this cycle is to radiate. I find this step of the utmost importance, to me, at least. It may not be as much to you, but maybe try it on for size. What I find about our behaviors of discovery and recovery is that they last longer and grow when shared in positive ways. If you find your light, even a glimmer, share it. This may make you feel vulnerable. People may not celebrate it the way you do. Don't be discouraged. Don't be reliant on their reaction to your victory (believe me, I've been there). Instead, radiate this light and warmth in ways that are not expectant of a self-result. Share this light by using those good vibes to help others find theirs. Caution, don't get caught in their wallow. This is very easy to do for us helper-types. And you don't have to be the happy police. That's counter-productive for everyone. Just be there to listen or help someone step out when they're ready. Bring the light to the table and share with who wants a piece. Just don't give yours away. Keep some for yourself too. Because you are just as important. More, in fact, to yourself, for all the good you can and will bring into the world as your own sun. The one thing I forget to mention, and now I think you are ready to hear...you do not find the light from the outside world. The whole point of this exercise, and all of this, is to sneakily find what is already in you. What is you. You are the light. It gets lost, amidst a sea of darknesses we are sometimes subject to, feel helpless to stop. But we are still light at the core. It's a matter of digging deep enough and being kind enough to let this gentle, powerful light out and find the fire within. So, now you are ready. Burn, baby, burn.

• You are never alone.

• You are a good person.

• You have potential.

• You are awesome.

• You are different, and that’s okay.

• You are special.

• You are beautiful.

• You are smart.

• You have meaning.

• You will make waves.

• You will be heard.

• You will be seen.

• You will make it.

• You will be loved.