6 Steps to Getting Unstuck and Igniting Your Inner Fire

Process Infinity: 6 Steps to Getting Unstuck and Igniting Your Own Inner Fire

There are times in our lives when we come to blockades. Life seems overwhelming, unknown, and fifty thousand shades of who the f--- knows. To top it off, we feel like we SHOULD know what to do. We have been there, done that. We are wise beyond our years, right?

Then why do we feel like toddlers, second-guessing at every turn, or just plain lost? What do we do at those times, when we so badly want someone to just tell us what to do? 

You might have those people who actually WILL tell you what to do (get a real job, get a boyfriend/girlfriend, stop dreaming so big…). So, how do you know that what they are recommending is the best thing for you to do?

Newsflash: You don’t know. Because they aren't you.

Result: We feel alone, we feel afraid, and we feel lost.

But we have to be strong...for kids, for pets, for parents, for spouses, for work. We are not allowed to fall apart and we must know what to do because we are "with it," right?

If that sounds familiar, just know that you are not alone. It is me too. Yay, let’s commiserate together, although we both know how helpful that is.

So, how do we deal, alone or not? How do we become unstuck and move along in the right direction? How do we move at all when the world feels like a tar pit? How do we see the light, or find the sun? 

In this case, we do not go find it. We BECOME the sun. We are the sun. Forget the idea that you are seeking and, instead, embrace the idea that you are realizing and becoming.

Doesn't that feel better already? It is you. Takes a bit of the chase out of it, right? So, in order to get you rolling in that direction, I have come up with a process that will allow you to burn in the most exciting way. I call it Process Infinity.

1) Acknowledge

Step one in facing any challenge in life is to acknowledge it. Write it down, multiple times if necessary.

How do you feel? What are you going through? Be detailed. Be specific. Get it out of your system. Use a private journal if there are others in your household. Don't hold back. Name names. Do so safely for you. If you have a private space, post it or a reference to it somewhere that you can see. If you are in a busy house, doodle something on a post-it that will trigger you to remember the specific things that you are facing. Then, put it on the wall and leave it up.

2) Wallow

The second step, that may seem counter-productive, is to wallow. You may have already done this. You may be doing this daily. Here, I give you permission to do it again, in full force.

You may be thinking, "I can't," with all of your responsibilities (kids, job, household, etc). But please, try, to the best of your ability, to feel it all.

Let yourself be sad. Let yourself feel mourn or be tossed. Feeling it all is an important part of becoming. You are never going to get past or through those hurdles if you do not face the challenges and the feelings that they produce.

If possible, do this step without substance and be careful with company. Definitely share, if you feel inclined to. Just realize that friends might mean the best, but it is you that you need to listen to and make friends with. Please seek professional guidance if you need an uninvolved party to listen (I highly recommend this). The point of this step is learning to let go and listen to yourself, your sadness, your needs, and eventually, your strengths.

Don't wallow too long. But only you know what that means. We aren't trying to make monumental leaps from ouch to healed, but wallowing too long can be its own "stuck." If you can, move along to step number three after a few days or weeks, at the very most.

3) Seek (in-sight)

You've mourned. You've wallowed. You've let yourself feel the darkness. And that's okay. It's so important that you do that. But then how do you get out? How do you find the light?

That's a hard one, when you're in it. Big or small, darkness is all relative to all of what we do and who we are. One person's simple can be another person's biggest dragon.

So, what we do next? We seek. We seek the light. But how? Here is a link to some ideas: NeverBrokenYou.com/in-sights

In this case, we use what I call in-sights. Very simple, and easy-to-access visualizations that help you remember the light and gently find the way through. You can choose one of the most relevant to your situation, or even come up with one of your own. As a starting point, I usually suggest the Darkened Sun In-sight. But go wherever feels right.

4) Remind/Be kind

This step, remind/be kind, is in reference to both yourself and to others. You may trip along this road, on the way out and on the way through. You may get bogged down or you could get stuck in wallowing and feel even more lost, feeling like you have failed yet again.

That's okay! You are okay! And you will be okay! The important thing is to forgive and to, then, back up a little. Start with acknowledging again. Skip wallowing if you can, because you have already been there, as you know, and then shoot for an in-sight that might pull you out. The important part here is to be kind to yourself. Being kind to others also plays in; but, here, I want you to focus on you. You have been so hard on yourself. Now is the time to forgive for your missteps or the random things that have happened to upend.

Now, you need to allow that, at any age, life may change, evolve, or pull the rug, sometimes without your say-so. So, be kind, be gentle, and treat yourself as you would a dear friend going through something rough. Because you are.

5) Emerge

This next step may seem impossible, especially if you have skipped from number one (believe me, I know how tempting that this can be; out of every challenge I have faced recently, I have sought the magic answers and prayed for "Poof! It's fixed. You're through.").

But to emerge fully, you need to go through the other steps. You need to acknowledge, wallow, seek, and remind/be kind. Otherwise, when you emerge, you run a higher risk of it being false and falling back into your old. As it stands, you may, at times, still fall back. That's okay. Number Four, please!

But hopefully, with practice, you will face your challenges and begin to see your own light. Use the in-sights for this. Now, write down what is your light. What makes you feel better, even if for just a glimmer? What you just wrote down, step into it. Bask in it. Feel what it feel to be there. Choose that and have the light wash over you. "Reality" creeps back in, of course. You're not quite there yet. But, guess what? YOU WILL BE. Keep your eye on that prize. Post it to remind you of this light. It is yours.

6) Radiate (help others to help yourself)

The last step in this cycle is to radiate. I find this step life-changing. It may not be as important to you, but maybe try it on for size. What I find about our behaviors of discovery and recovery is that they last longer and grow more when shared in positive ways. When you find your light, even if just a little glimmer, why not share it? 

It may make you feel vulnerable. But don't worry, it won't go away. And people may not quite celebrate the way that you do. But don't be discouraged. Don't be reliant on their reaction to your victory (believe me, I've gotten caught in that trap). 

Instead, try to radiate the light and warmth in ways that are not expectant. Share your light by using those good vibes to help others find theirs.

Caution, don't get caught up in their wallow, though, either. You don't have to be the happy police. It's counter-productive for everyone. Just be there, whether to listen or to help someone step out of their hole when they're ready. Bring the light to the table and share it with whoever wants a piece. Just don't give yours away. Keep some for yourself, too. Because you are just as important. More so, in fact, to yourself, for all of the good that you can and will bring to the world as your own sun.

In Conclusion

Let us now come full circle and bring back into the equation the fact that you do not find the light only from the outside world. The whole point of this process is to gently but powerfully find what is already in you. What IS you. You are the light. It gets lost, amidst seas of darkness that we are sometimes subject to. But we are still light at our core. The challenge, now faced, is digging deep enough and being kind enough to let this gentle, powerful light out and let the fire from within burn.

∞

For a free downloadable PDF Process Infinity SheetSheet, go HERE.