How to Find Your People

One thing that I have definitely struggled with throughout my first forty years is finding my people. I seem to attract, quite often, the wrong kind, counter to my purpose. They find me, I think, because I fill a void for them. I get away, but hardly unscathed, even after years of realization and practice.

I could make a lengthy list of how to put up walls and barriers; but that is counter-productive to finding the good people, or, even more importantly here, the people good for you. Because, let's be honest, all people that aren't good for you aren't necessarily bad people. They're just not the right fit.

So, then, how do you go about finding the right sort of people, more aligned with you and who you are? Well, the research is still out (in other words, I am still finding mine). But I have found that these tips help. 

1) Be a Lighthouse

In other words, be a beacon of light for others in whatever you are doing. Likeminded people, or even those who present challenging but enriching contrast, will gravitate toward your light. Just make sure to have your doors open when they arrive.

2) Be a Listener 

Make it clear that you are open to exchanging-type relationships. Don't just tell your stories; listen and actually hear those of others. You'll be amazed at the connections this might provide. Don't become a doormat, of course; but, reciprocity is key.

3) Sing Loudly

In this tip, I mean singing loudly figuratively, more than literally. The point is for you to be you. But if, for you, actual singing helps, that's great. It could also mean painting, accounting, or nuclear physics. Whatever it is, whoever you are, do so LOUDLY, even if it's quietly (for all of you introverts). Singing loudly, in this case, is more about owning who you are and what you stand for. The true people of you will be the ones who then find you as you and then keep you.

4) Take Chances

By only doing what is safe, we limit ourselves both in both our character and in the company we keep. By taking chances and stepping outside of our comfort zone, we also gloriously chance meeting the crazy partners of our lives that will make it even more worthwhile.  

5) Fly Your Flag

Similar to singing loudly, flying your flag can be of benefit. This could mean actually advertising yourself, whether it be through social media, dancing at office parties, or putting your face on a billboard; or it could mean simply going out every now and again. The point here is to get out there and, even more so, is about being true to yourself and flying a flag that is truly an embodiment of who you are. Keep an eye out for interesting flags of others too. It's a two-way street.

6) Get Out There

I wish there were an easier way. But, really, there's no real substitute for actually getting out there and meeting people. How do we do this, especially when you are someone like me who avoids most social gatherings (or when we must do so for safety)? Keep it fun. Keep it casual. Make it into a game. Go out (when we can) for some other fun purpose. Go to the zoo. Go to the park. (Right now, with the shut in, join Facebook groups and online social events). Maybe you'll bump into others who are also looking for their people. Then, voila!

7) Speak Up

Start a blog. Comment on stuff you come across online (but no trolling). Start a discussion. Speak your mind. Be completely honest. That way, when you do meet people through these means, they'll be people who know where you stand, which then means that they'll be trying to get to know you BECAUSE of this.

8) Be Kind

In my opinion, there is no better way to find your people than through being kind. Helping others out of kindness is not typically done with the expectation of making friends; but it is often an awesome side effect.

9) Pay it Forward

I have found that acts of paying it forward commonly start conversations that lead to new acquaintances and relationships. And, bonus, it is all for a good cause. Win win!

10) Be vulnerable - I know, this one's scary.

Uh oh, the V-word. But in order to deepen connections with people who are truly meant to be YOUR people, you need to make peace with vulnerability. Rather than viewing it as a weakness, see how it strengthens bonds and ensures that you are with the right people for your purpose.

11) Have compassion

Similar to kindness, compassion goes a very long way toward bonding people and, in some ways, even bonds more deeply than simple kindness. With an act of compassion, you demonstrate to others your ability to truly care. So, in doing this, you may very well meet the ones who you'll be with the longest.

12) Be of Service

Service stuff is a great way to meet your people because you are most likely providing service in a subject that you are aligned with and passionate about. People with different views are invaluable too; but this one will help you meet the ones who will be working toward similar causes that you are both wanting to thrive.

13) Explore

Spend some time exploring the world outside of your normal sphere. Go on a trip or stay regional. Just go somewhere new (when you can). A new town, a new pub, a new coffee shop. You may just stumble upon a pocket of people that you never even knew existed.

14) Be Open

Lastly, be open to new and different people and experiences. Try a new activity or sport. Join a new club. Step outside of yourself. Don't sacrifice your values and definitely don't lie; but stretch to a place where you are still being you and yet are trying something out of your ordinary. Maybe you will meet someone in this new realm. Realize what benefit a new kind of person could bring into your life. Enrich and Diversify!