Spiral Bound In-sight
untangling and calming the storm
The Story
When life gets complicated, I often start to feel “spiral-ey” or wound up in impossible ways. Being alone now, that truly sucks, because, at least before, even in unhealthy circumstances, I had people around me that I could at least try to talk to through it all.
Even when I have had people, I’ve always run into the challenge of trust. In my worst of times, the last thing I have wanted to do is run up against advice-givers with opinionated feedback regarding an already complicated situation.
So my tried and true default is to go inward, and then become even more entangled than before. In times of trouble and trial, what I long for most is clarity. But this is THE hardest thing to find. I feel I am bound to my unsolvable problems that are caught up in themselves. There are so many that they all spiral in, one on top of the other, spiral after spiral. Like a big messy ball of string or frayed twine, rough on the hand, and all tangled like Christmas lights put away in a box, then tossed in the basement to be dealt with later.
That's my spiral downward within myself. I become spiral-bound, bound to these unresolved, unclear issues, feelings, trials, and tribulations. I see no easy way out, no clarity.
That may be where you are at right now. Believe me, I understand, because I still get like this when overwhelmed. I am rendered helpless by my own complexity. Or the sheer amount of what there is to try to figure out, handle, and deal with. Or the enraging simplicity that is never simple even when it appears to be (a whole new level of complicated that many people on the outside don't understand). Certain things are never simple. Matters of the heart. Matters of the mind and soul. And especially if you have a mind that rolls in circles, constantly. I have inklings (at least) of depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive in my composition. This makes my bondage almost unbearable at times. How do we get out?
Hopefully this might help, at least a little, maybe a lot. Let's at least try.
The In-sight
Picture your problems, your challenges, your troubles, all wrapped up together. I'm sure this part won't be hard. Because I am sure you do this ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME. That's the problem. That's my problem. The crash in on one another. Wrap up, inter-tangle, in a messy ball. Picture them as strings. Tendrils, all wound up together. Ugh. That's awful. Right? They suck. All those heavy, weighty complications. Now, each of those strings is a different color. See them? It's like a rainbow ball. Sounds cheesy, but bear with me.
Leave it at that for a bit. Leave your rainbow ball. Go find a piece of paper. Actually, take a little more time. Find a notebook. One you like. Maybe even a spiral bound one? Haha. Had to add that in there. But seriously though, find something that feels good in your hands and a pen you really like to use. Weighty. Heavy. Something that feels intentional. Some of what we do in here is meant to be effortless or less effort. This is a bit more. Because you are about to unfold, un-intertwine, yourself.
Take your notebook, get comfy. In your mind, see your ball. Your rainbow ball. It's still there, just where you left it (of course; that's the problem). Now, pick a color of string. Pull on it. Unravel it from the ball. Name it. What is that in your life? Write it down. First, be general. You can get specific later. Red - relationships. Blue - work. Etc.
Do this until your ball has no more color. Maybe it's just a tan ball of twine as a base.
Look at your list of colors and let's call them strings rather than issues or problems.
Within these strings I know you have specifics. I didn't want you to get to bogged down by them while unraveling, but now have at it. Write down the details. What about these strings is bothering you? What is unclear? They are unraveled now, not in a ball. You have them laid out in front of you. If this seems even more overwhelming, take a break. Take a big break. They'll be there later. Or don't even look at the list again. You have unraveled the spiral. It has already begun. You are getting clarity as we speak. The point is the unraveling. The deciding to unravel and un-spiral. If you so choose, they are now ready for you to work on and resolve. Another in-sight in the making.
So whenever you feel balled up again, caught up in your tangle, your spiral, envision your rainbow ball of string and start pulling it apart. You can do this. There you go.
Variations, Tips, and Possibilities
For this in-sight, here are free downloadable Pages you can use if you do not have access to a notebook.
I happen to paint a little. Here is one of my favorite paintings that makes me feel good when I’m feeling spiral bound. I call it Portal.
I find some of these BLOGS, Righting Pages, and WorkSheets also help me sort through my mess. Hope they help you too.