Learning to Let Go

Life is a little scary right now. Or a lot scary, depending on who you are and what you are going through. One of the hardest things to do, at any time, is to embrace the unknown, and to somehow settle and be okay with ambiguity. We spend so much of our lives planning, trying to predict everything from the stock market to our next boyfriend, as well as jobs, kids, and countless other things. We try to set up life to be predictable, even when we love adventure, because the plan gives us something solid to hold onto. It gives us something safe.

But what if this need for control sets us up for repeated disappointment? All it takes is a pandemic to throw us off our game and remind us that we are never in control; then, we are left wondering what in the heck happened, and panic risks taking over.

I am guilty of this “need to know” in my life, in so many ways. What is amazing to me is that, in contradiction to my self-soothing intent, it has been this very approach that has repeatedly set me up as the victim. My perception of control is what has historically left me feeling panicky and unfulfilled. My expectations, even knowing better, left me subject to the happenings.

In addition, when the unknown strikes us, and we try to see the “bright side” of the situation, it ties in with the longing and the wanting and the planning. We NEED to make sense of what has happened, in light of our larger picture of life, so that it somehow fits the overall plan.

But we’re missing the point.

The outcome will eventually become what we desire, wish, hope, and dream, or possibly even something much better; but only if we allow it to unfold as it will, and respect the unknown. We can still work in the direction of where we think we should be heading. In fact, we should still set goals, dream big, and do what we can in an effort to inspire the universe into action. And we very well may feel like we don’t know what we’re doing. I, for one, know that I often feel like I am doing the wrong things, and, then, I fear I will make mistakes, screw up, and “ruin” everything.

But part of life is that very point. Screwing up is okay. Crazy curveballs are okay. We can, then, choose how we perceive them and react in the moment, and not just see it for the pride of having gotten through. Every curveball, fluke, dip, dive, and “screw up” is an essential and exciting part of our rugged trail adventure, even if it is unplanned. Realizing that the unknown event wasn’t a mistake after all sets us up definitively in a more allowing mindset, preventing us from getting stuck in a negative need-to-know cycle.

In my own life, many of my unplanned “mistakes,” for a while, recycled because I kept in that energy, pulling them toward me on repeat. I couldn’t move myself out and up, or beyond to the next level, to the very happy I was trying to get to, because I wasn’t ALLOWING for it. I didn’t think I deserved it. I was too focused on the “how” and the hamster wheel of making it happen, and subject to the energy of control that I was projecting.

But in realizing that inclination in myself, for needing to know and fearing the unknown, I can now learn how to trust and allow the goodness to readily or eventually come, even if it means riding the crazy wave of the unknowns for a while.

My lesson is this: Let us turn the fear into excitement for what we know will eventually come, regardless of the unknown. In fact, let us try to embrace the ambiguity in the fact that it reminds us that we are alive and can then hope for greater things. We do not need to know the how just yet. We just need to have a little faith, a little courage, and take a chance at letting go.